The Missing Word by Phil

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I'd like to tackle one of the most controversial verses in the Bible - Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." You may be surprised to learn that one little word, "submit" (also found as "obey" or "be in subjection" depending on your translation) is not even in the original greek! A direct word for word translation reads more like, "Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord." This sounds like great advice for both husbands and wives, love your spouse as you love the Lord. And how are we to love the Lord? Deuternomy 6:5 tells us, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." That kind of selfless, devoted love is a great foundation for a strong marriage.

I can hear some of you out there saying, "Now wait just a minute buster! Of course you can love the Lord like that because He is perfect. My spouse is far from perfect. In fact, sometimes he/she is a complete idiot." Never fear, the Bible has an answer for that as well. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 gives us a very practical definition of love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails." These verses are so familiar it is easy to gloss over them. Are you up for a challenge? How about a little self evaluation. Take your time and answer each of these questions honestly.

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When it comes to my spouse...

Am I patient?

Am I kind?

Do I truly rejoice with my spouse's victories and accomplishments?

Am I too concerned with what others think of me, sometimes even to the point of pointing out shortcomings in my spouse?

Do I always have to be right, or am I quick to admit when I am wrong without offering excuses?

Am I easy-going or am I quick to lose my temper?

Are my spouse's past mistakes in the past or do I keep them ready as ammunition for future arguments?

Do I work hard to safeguard and protect our sacred marriage bond from any threat, external or internal?

Do I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt or immediately condemn them without hearing their story?

When the hard times come, (and they will!) do I look for a way out or hold on even tighter and look for a way through?

Can I honestly say I love my spouse with my all my heart, all my soul and all my strength?

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Ouch, I'll bet we all found ways we fall short in fulfilling God's definition of love. But the good news is, God is the very essence of love ("let us love one another, for love comes from God... because God is love." - 1 John 4:7-8). He can help us live out that love toward our spouse, even when they are being an idiot.

So for all us married folk, let's commit with God's help to live out the command of Ephesians 5:22: "to your own husbands (or wives), as to the Lord," not just of Valentine's Day, but every day until God calls us home with Him.
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Loving God, loving each other,
Phil and Pam

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P.S. God's instructions for a healthy marriage always involve both the husband and wife. If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help!

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